Red Flags

Memo to the New Year's Resolutioners at the Green Hills Y:
I'm on to you.

You can't just show up in your false eyelashes wearing a diamond tennis bracelet and steal my elliptical. Likewise, please get rid of that sweater you've tied across your shoulders. It may be cold outside, but it's far from it in this steamy workout room. Thanks to you and your excessive sweat, I'm finding the air a bit too heavy to breathe properly.

On the other end of the spectrum, "working out" in jeans is simply impermissible. Nothing about that makes sense. In fact, it just draws attention to you more than the sweater-draped shoulders.

I admire your dedication to your resolution, but making yourself stand out like a sore thumb is simply too much. Not only are you stealing the machines I've been used to using for months now, but you also manage to look silly while doing it. Keep up the good work! But if you could be finished by 7pm, that would be awesome. That's when I generally get there, and would really appreciate having my normal array of machines to choose from. Thanks!


(P.S. These are all things actually witnessed by my pair of eyes within the last two days. Appalling.)